Happiness….
Principle 4:
You should strive for true happiness by aligning yourself in conformity with the present circumstances and ‘the only other requirement that ‘remains is your’ willingness and cooperation ‘to do so’, as you remain the sole party in achieving it ‘from within’.
Me: Sometimes I get confused about what is more important — success or happiness. If one is not happy after attaining success, what good it is? Which would be a better bet; to remain happy and ignore success or to be successful and ignore unhappiness? I mean, if I have to choose one among the two, which one should I go for among the two options? Here, what I mean by being successful is having a lot of money, fame, and power. Can you guide me on this aspect of happiness too?
Him: A smart question once again. You seem to be asking questions like the much-reviled journalist. It is as if you want to words in my mouth so that you can then misquote or misinterpret my teachings easily to anyone. This, by the way, is said in jest!
I will answer your question directly. I would prefer to be happy rather than successful. There is a lot associated with happiness; health, good relationships, enjoyment, satisfaction, and many more traits.
You can be very famous, powerful, and have a lot of money but you may still be in a difficult relationship with all those with whom you are connected.
You may gain a lot of wealth by being successful that way but you yourself may not be in a position to enjoy that wealth of yours, in case you remain unhappy.
You may be very famous and many people would know you but there always remains a possibility that you are unknown to yourself in unhappiness.
What would be the point in many people knowing you, in the way you have projected yourself because then you would not be your true self. It would be like chasing a mirage-like the endless search for water in a dry desert, forever disappearing among the optical illusion of the shifting sands — leading to a meaningless pursuit.
Being happy is always a better option, as then you are in synchronization with your inner self and always feel proud of all your actions. You may not be famous but you know yourself pretty well in being happy.
Happiness is a state of mind and is in fact, surprisingly not even associated with the so desired words like success and fame. Most of the things in life can be bought with money except the state of happiness.
India is one such place in this world where you can find many poor people living happily. People from afar and especially from the Western world flock to India seeking the tools to be happy and satisfied.
Me: Yes, I agree, I should feel lucky and feel proud that I am born here in India.
Him: Yes, you should. There are many authors of great books who adore the spirituality of this country. Many people from the West still pour into your nation for finding the truth about spirituality and visit ancient cities like Varanasi. The great ISKCON movement of Hare Krishna has also originated from this land and one can see many foreign devotees dancing on the street in dhoti and kurta displaying a long tilak on their forehead.
The main teaching of Krishna for “one to remain always in the present” is widely acknowledged by many authors of the West.
The philosophy of not bringing anything to Earth at birth and taking nothing out of it at death is also widely given due recognition. This clearly shows that the outside circumstances are irrelevant to the contribution of any happiness.
Me: Where do we find happiness then? What is the main source? I have seen that all physical material, in fact, is the source of happiness. It can be accomplished by money. All comforts of living have some cost attached to it and the rich seem to enjoy and derive happiness out of it. The more amount of money they have with them, the more comfortable they are and hence happier they seem to be. I still do not believe that the outside circumstances do not have any effect on our happiness, as more possession of material wealth and equipment seems to be the source of general happiness and can never be ignored easily. How can it be possible to ignore the outer circumstances?
Him: Happiness emanates from within, never enforced from outside. No amount of money or interference from outside can buy or destroy it, as it is internal and eternal.
The basic ingredients of happiness again sprout from gratitude and satisfaction. Being grateful to others and the almighty is the stepping stone on one’s journey to happiness. In search of happiness, people often ingest intoxicants or chemicals that at times provide temporary ecstasy or euphoria. The residual implications are forms of depression, though.
Even as the initial stimuli of happiness come from outside, real happiness is always generated from within. For instance, when a poor person is made to stay at a luxurious hotel, he may be very happy but at the same time a rich man, having lived in such an environment, may not be so.
Man wants a change in outside stimuli and wants it to happen in continuation forever; in terms of more comfort, power, fame, and wealth for him to remain happy all the time. If there is no change or decrease in any of these, he becomes unhappy.
People staying in hotter climatic conditions become happy on seeing snowfall and they tend to enjoy that; the people habitual to that climate do not. When such people experience snowfall, they may make it an object of play, and throw snowballs at each other. However, people staying in that region may not do so; they do not feel happy with snowfall. So the same snowfall makes some happy and some not so, the outside stimuli are the same but the change in stimuli is for those tourists who happen to be there and hence they become happy. This clarifies that the outside circumstance itself per se does not create happiness but the change in outside circumstance can create happiness or sadness.
Once a person gets accustomed to the circumstances and finds that it is suitable, he starts wanting more of it and in absence of getting more becomes unhappy. There is no limit to the material possession and at a certain point, after having achieved that, a fresh demand gets created. If that demand is not met the person becomes unhappy. That is the reason why newer models of products are released. A product, in spite of being useful, becomes obsolete after some time as a better model with more user-friendly features is pushed into the market. This is the best practical example of a temporary happiness phenomenon creating a huge business model. Much of business is dependent on this and that is why there are new features, new products in the world today which seem to provide us with increasing happiness every day.
A person who remains happy from within does not give importance to the outside circumstances because he has decided to be happy in conformity to any type of environment outside. One can remain in a state of happiness only if he has decided to follow that way. The best way would be to practice meditation and learn the art of appreciating others, and you will be going towards happiness. You may see monks roaming about peacefully, fully contented, and with no new gadgets with them because they are happy internally and no amount of features lures them into the race of material possessions.
Happiness can only be achieved in a permanent way by internal adjustments and thought. That is why it is termed a state of mind. Internally happy people do not require any intoxicant for them to be in that state because they have decided to be happy without outside interference. On the other hand, the happiness some people derive from intoxicants is only temporary and permanent happiness eludes them in the long term.
Me: Yes, people get intoxicated by taking drugs and other such substances from outside. Is there any other way to get such chemicals, internally? Is there any other way to get intoxicated internally?
Him: There are many chemicals stored in our own body and are released just by the mere thought process and there may not be any need of buying chemicals off the shelves of a drugstore to do that miracle. These chemicals can be released at our own sweet will and happiness can be released momentarily or permanently.
The problem is that you are used to deriving happiness from outside sources, outside substances, and circumstances. You derive happiness from that roller-coaster ride of yours or on reaching the top of the mountain, where you have a scenic landscape in front of you, or when you let yourself drink alcohol or any drug for that matter, which gives you a ‘high’ or that loss of control of your senses.
You can lose temporary control of your senses from within too. You can devise a method by which you can lose control of your senses even permanently. Say, in meditation, when you ignore your surroundings and are lost in thoughtlessness. You can generate happiness from within by even appreciating the surroundings. You can also generate happiness by appreciating yourself or engaging in an act of kindness. You can choose to live in that awakened state of awareness, where you feel aware of doing every act of yours, be it walking, talking, eating, or doing anything for that matter. Once you develop this art of becoming aware of yourself, you are moving towards permanent happiness, you then ignore your adverse surrounding of yours; you do not get hurt by any amount of abuse from anyone. You are not affected by the acts of others and you cease to compare with others and you remain happy, but it takes a lot of effort by way of practice meditation and training your thinking. You devise a system whereby you let yourself think in a particular way.
Many a time interaction with an infant makes you happy. You start observing the gestures of an infant and talk to the child for hours. You start making strange sounds and interact with the child. It does not have to be a discussion that is meaningful. That is happiness.
To be happy is to be aligned with the current environment, to be in conformity with it. In happiness there is no resistance to an environment, if the environment is resisted, the happiness can never be attained. To be happy is to appreciate the present state and realize it to be one’s own well-being.
Happiness can be well-learned from a child, an infant, who without knowing you, smiles and it has such an enormous power that you are also forced to smile, irrespective of whichever mood you are in. You smile back automatically without even realizing that the child has not uttered a word or done anything for you to smile back but you do reciprocate. This is the power of an infant smiling at you.
Happiness is akin to the blooming of a flower, a rising of a sun wherein joy comes automatically from the universe; it is similar to an infant smiling at you without any cause.
Happiness is like a catalyst that revitalizes your present moment without your knowledge. It is spontaneous and sudden; you suddenly begin to appreciate that breeze that has recently touched you or that sudden change in the weather which you have instantly appreciated. Happiness has no cause or effect, it is just that you are happy. So is it true for unhappiness? Many people do not even know what they are unhappy about, they are just unhappy without a cause.
This is the reason that the state of happiness or unhappiness is not defined and so it is called a state of mind. People may feel unhappy about an event or a failure in their attempt at achieving something, but it can soon be dissolved if we try living in the now and forget the past or future.
Me: Great explanation about happiness. I never knew this is what it is. I recollect now that these were the moments in my life too when I was really happy. And, I was not drunk! Can we not remain in this state always?
Since now, as you say, my main goal is to be happy rather than to be successful, how should I achieve it? I ask this because the goal is always at the furthest end. One has to make an effort to reach it; travel the full length of the path to reach that goal. So, how can we be ‘future happy’?
Him: In fact, happiness can only be achieved in the present, it cannot be found in the past or future. One can never be happy thinking about future success or an event, it can only be relished in the present.
The moment one deviates from the present to possess something in the future, the feeling of possessing something in advance embeds inside one’s mind, and one tends to fall back into the loop of acquiring something. So if you want to be future happy all that you need to do is to be present happy from moment to moment and always. Do not look further than that and do not long for more. It then becomes a continuous process of appreciating all that is and being with that.
Me: What other benefits can we derive from happiness? Just by being happy nothing much can be achieved; I mean, one can lead one’s life well by being happy but no creation then is possible, as creation is born out of discomfort always. For creating, excelling, or doing something great one might have to leave the path of happiness. So what I want to know is; what all is associated with happiness?
Him: Happiness gives you longevity, the happier you are healthier you would be, it is the remedy for many diseases and similarly unhappiness is the major cause of dreaded terminal diseases like ulcers, cancers, and severe depression.
Medical research has confirmed that people with the terminal; diseases have had a history of unhappiness, prior to their illness. Feelings of hatred! Comparisons! Jealousy! Not having things, of not achieving something which others have achieved, was in fact the cause of the beginning of that terminal illness of theirs.
On the contrary, happily living persons are virtually free from any disease and not vice versa.
Moreover, it is not true that every discomfort gives you unhappiness. In fact, when you love doing something and you are associated with that every moment, you are not able to perceive any discomfort and you continue to do it. So it is not true that if you are happy you cannot create. In fact, all great creations take off from a state of happiness. For example, Edison’s ten thousand attempts at making a bulb would have been a source of a lot of pain; with so many failures he could have been unhappy, but he took it otherwise and kept at it. He treated all those failures as all the ways of not making a bulb. He was so involved in his task that once someone he had invited for dinner arrived, watched the inventor engrossed in his work, ate his dinner, and left the house, ignored completely all that time. Later, as Edison took some time off his experiments and reached the dining table for victuals and saw the used plate, he censured himself at how forgetful he was, that he had already taken dinner. He promptly went back to work.
So here the discomfort of feeling hungry was not even recognized by him as he was busy and happily engrossed in his work.
Me: If that is the miracle of happiness, how can happiness be generated as a state of mind?
Him: Happiness generates itself from the adjustments which are done willingly, the compromises which we make in our life without remorse. It sprouts from acknowledging the present and appreciating it. One can never be happy if one is not in conformity with the present environment or is in a non-accepting mode.
To be happy one necessarily needs to have self-appreciation, of one’s deeds, actions, and present state vis-à-vis that of others. The best moments of happiness derived from the self, from within.
Happiness is all about appreciation, if you begin to appreciate everything in your life, you will be happy. In fact, you cannot appreciate anything when you are sad.
Happiness can be generated by doing what you love and loving what you do. Once that love is generated you have then found the source of happiness. If you remain in that state — of loving what you are doing or doing all that you love — you have found the right path. Do not divert yourself from that and then it is certain that you will not only be happy but you may be able to create something new for mankind or invent something great in the very work you are associated with, may it be any form of art.
Whenever you feel sad and you then want to be happy, you should follow these steps in sequence:
1. Sit comfortably, close your eyes, take a deep breath and concentrate on your breathing; observe it and feel it going inside your lungs all the way.
2. Let the thoughts come and go but do not get attached to any.
3. Feel the environment around you, listen to all that is going around you but do not get attached, ignore all.
4. Thank God for all that you have and all that is present now.
5. Think about what you love to do most of the time.
6. Open your eyes and start doing that.
Me: If this is all about the generation of happiness, then what are the causes of the generation of unhappiness? If we know how not to be unhappy, we may learn ‘the how to be happy. I want to know something more about this.
Him: Unhappiness is generated when a person does not behave the way you want him or her to behave or when a situation arrives right in front of you that you are trying to avoid or resent. It is thus generated by the occurrence of an event that is not to your liking. These are the causes of the generation of unhappiness from outside circumstances but it is generated from within too.
The unhappiness from within is generated when you regret an earlier action or from a feeling of inferiority, which in turn gets generated by incapability of yours in accomplishing a job or a task.
Whenever you start comparing yourself with others who are better than you at performing a task, unhappiness is generated instantly; especially if you do not sincerely appreciate such efforts made by others. The best way is to appreciate them in order to be happy. A very simple example; when a near or dear one of yours accomplishes a task that you yourself cannot do, you still appreciate it and consequently feel very happy, instead of becoming sad. Any excellence achieved by your near and dear ones; parents, spouse, children, and a close friends is appreciated instantly. So unhappiness is generated in non-appreciation for those you do not love. Hence the best way is to love all and appreciate all that is achieved, irrespective of the person achieving it.
The non-accomplishment of daily desires is a sure source of unhappiness. Once you are unable to accomplish that short desire of yours, you become unhappy. You then have to find an alternate desire which you can accomplish. So, in order to remove unhappiness, you either need to accomplish that desire of yours, or in case you are not able to do that, at least extinguish or change that desire. So the best way would be to desire differently and be in conformity with the non-accomplishment of your earlier desire.
Me: Sorry to interrupt you, but I am getting confused. You had said that one should engage in what one desires and do everything to attain that happiness. Now, on the contrary, you are saying that I should change my desire.
Him: Never mind. It is good that you are listening and learning seriously. Please do stop me when you have a doubt because I rarely visit in your life. Many a time I visited you but you ignored me completely, as you were not meditating in those days.
A very valid question you have raised on the understanding of happiness. A wish, even a desire is different from a burning desire. You may wish to be a rich man, you may also desire that but that alone would not suffice; when you cannot achieve that state unhappiness gets generated.
But if that is your burning desire, it means you have complete faith in it and you are sure to achieve that; there remains no impossibility, even ten thousand attempts will seem minuscule since you know you will achieve it. Once the desire comes up as a burning desire, you start to work on it relentlessly and you will begin to derive happiness in every failure of yours. The point is, that there is a huge gap between desire and a burning desire.
In case you know that it is just a wish or a desire, leave it instantly and find something for which you have a burning desire.
I will make you understand with a relevant example, which happens everywhere in a family. There are times when kids desire many things instantly and see what happens then.
The art is in changing your desire into a burning desire. It happens when your desire becomes your dream. Not those dreams which come after your sleep but those dreams which do not let you sleep; such dreams happen only in an awakened state and never occur after sleep. You may happen to find the solutions to these dreams immediately after you wake up or in the middle of the night.
When children want something, they create merry hell; shout, cry, stamp their feet and create general havoc, all for that toy that they may have seen at that moment. You either succumb to the demand or divert the attention of the child by giving another choice, in case you cannot afford or intend to purchase that toy. You present arguments and innovative reasons for not purchasing that toy. You also provide an alternate solution simultaneously and instantly to quench the initial desire of the child. The child then starts listening to you, gives your words due consideration, and believes what you are saying is the truth. The child’s desire has finally been quenched or killed.
Similar is the case with you; after all, you are also a grown-up child who now thinks himself to be learned, a wise man. Try to adopt the same strategy to convince yourself of that small non-accomplishment of yours and leave that desire as a bad target. Leave it completely, remove it from your mind, and believe that an alternate action may probably give you a better solution.
Desires are generally associated with enjoyment and are generally found as a cause of celebration or engaging oneself in intoxications.
This is true, especially for an addiction, let it be smoking or drinking alcohol. Practice it regularly and a day will come when you will be no more addicted to any vices. You will then not have a feeling of guilt, the very next morning after indulging in that addiction. It is not just the addiction that is killing you, the guilt is worse to deal with.
Me: You mean to say, drinking alcohol; is not a cause of unhappiness. If I do not repent my wrongdoings the morning after, how do I do away with all my bad habits? Don’t I have to take a vow or a decision that my engagement in that activity was not good for my health and repent the day after a drunken binge? If I do not resist doing that or rightly acknowledge it as a wrong engagement, how would I be able to move away from it? I mean, I cannot rationalize my wrongdoings and be with it still; in that case, I would be cheating myself and in your words not be true to myself.
Him: I mean, enjoy doing what you do, but in limitation. Do not overdo it. In case you still do till your body allows it without any harm, then at least do not repent it. If that case, don’t do it. If you keep repenting and doing it, your regret embeds into your subconscious mind, where you do not have any control over it anymore. You start losing faith in yourself. Once you lose faith in yourself, you start abhorring every activity of yours. You then try to question each and every activity of yours and start doubting yourself. You start hating yourself and then you originate a disease inside your body, automatically. You become the master creator of your own disease.
Then you go to a doctor for the cure, cure something, which is your own creation. The doctor gives the medicines to numb your senses, your ability to think, and induces artificial sleep in you and you become a living dead man.
Me: What should we do then?
Him: Your own bad creations should be destroyed by you only and that is the safest and quickest way. Such a cure would be without any side effects or complications. This is the only way to do away with all your bad habits, which bestows unhappiness the day after, every day.
Me: It is good that you have come to the topic of addiction, which many are fighting against. Most people do have an addiction of some form or the other; drugs, sex, gambling, and the likes. As a solution to this problem, aside from diverting the mind and not repenting, is there any other way?
Him: You may also think of other engagements to kill that addiction of yours. Plan another activity at the time you usually feel like indulging in your addiction. For instance, you may try to engage yourself in other activities like playing a game of tennis or going to a gymnasium. You can also learn to play a musical instrument, write that short story or maintain your daily journal of goals and desires. For that, you have to take the first step which the child took in the previous example, who gave due consideration to your suggestions of not buying that toy.
Nothing can be done without your willingness and cooperation. You are a party yourself in creating your own happiness or unhappiness. No outside source or situation should be held responsible for that.
Happiness is generally self-generated, but it can also be derived from the works of others, only if it is appreciated. Music is one such source where people become happier by appreciating it; the lyrics, the notes, and the silence between the notes. Silence plays a major role in happiness, even a good song can never be composed without brief silence between the notes. If there is no silence between the notes, the music becomes a cacophony.
So to find true happiness, search for silence, the silence between notes or silence within. Appreciating it would definitely lead you to happiness, the condition being that it should be appreciated by you.
Everyone is addicted to something or the other. There are various forms of addiction, which may range from sex, smoking, alcohol, music, watching TV, or many other things for that matter. Some are addicted to good things such as exercising, running, art, etc. Addiction in a way can also be compared with passion. To remove an addiction or a passion is really a hard task. Generally, it is done by instilling fear in one’s mind and various de-addiction centers use this method. Fear of dying is the most common form of fear, where de-addiction is done.
Me: True! I got that, the ultimate and sole responsibility of happiness lies within myself and I was searching for it outside.
Him: See, happiness is your birthright and nobody can stop you from having it. You have got the ultimate authority to be happy; nobody can interfere with that, not even your near and dear ones. If you believe and are convinced to be happy, then nobody can deter that faith of yours to be in happiness always.
You should take a vow, never to get hurt by the words of others, however bad, insulting, or stimulating it appears to you. If you have decided not to nurture the feeling of hurt and delete such thoughts the moment they occur in your mind, you have found a path to happiness. For this to happen, you should always keep imaginary “control, delete and enter” buttons in your mind and the moment your brain registers the thought of an insult, immediately press these three buttons simultaneously and you will see the brain shutting this thought process of being ‘hurt’.
It should in fact become your habit by regular practice of using it in all such instances. Initially, you may have to struggle, as these thoughts may recur again and again, but over a period of time, with your persistence in deleting such thoughts instantly, the practice will get embedded in your subconscious mind, and then you would be able to do it effortlessly. Like driving a car!
Me: Driving a car! It’s interesting that you are quoting some normal practices which help me to understand it easily; otherwise, it would have become an abstract lecture and would then required much effort and willingness to learn from my side. Go ahead.
Him: See, when you learn a car, you learn of the equipment first. I mean you are taught where is the clutch and gear, what are its functions and how we operate all these, what sequence has to be followed, when should we increase or decrease the accelerator paddle, etc. Without that knowledge, it is not possible to learn to drive a car. The whole sequence then must be practiced for a considerable time in order to become an expert driver. Initially, all that seems complex and you look amazed by the functions of these four pieces of equipment, namely, clutch, gear, accelerator paddle, and the steering itself. Once you learn the art it becomes easy as you are fully aware. Can you now tell me how many activities you perform while removing your car from the car parking? Please do not miss any activity, however small it may be.
Me: Yes, I can tell that all these activities, would be like this:
· I sit on the driver's seat, first check the gear and make sure that it is in neutral gear.
· I check the hand brake and pull that down to make it free.
· I then put on the seat belt.
· Insert the key inside and turn on the ignition switch.
· Press the clutch.
· Look at the front through the windshield for any obstruction.
· Do the same by looking in the rear-view mirror.
· See the left and right side for space availability.
· Put the required gear.
· Gently release the clutch and simultaneously increase the required pressure over the accelerator paddle.
· Turn the steering as per the need and maneuver it accordingly.
· Press the brakes when required.
· Press the clutch, change the gear, accelerate and turn the steering continuously and keep watching back and forth and side as required.
· Switch on the indicator, turn on the lights in case it is dark, put on the wipers if it is raining and finally come out of the parking.
I have explained it in quite a detail and think that I did not miss even a single activity.
Him: So, in all, you have noticed that you almost do twenty-one activities to bring the car out of the car park. By the way, how much time does it take you to finish all these activities?
Me: Hardly any, I mean not even thirty seconds.
Him: Do you not get tired, while doing all this so fast?
Me: No, Why should I be, there is nothing great in this, I do it all the time.
Him: That is what I had wanted to convey; you have developed a habit of removing your car from the car park this way many a time and you follow these activities as per your habit of operating the clutch, gear, accelerator, and brake.
Here I would also tell you that you do many other activities apart from these, while removing your car from the car park.
You may happen to pick up your mobile phone, in case it rings and you may happen to talk to the person on the other side with almost full concentration if he or she would have happened to be your boss. You must almost have your entire mind occupied in replying, retrieving the required information, or speaking to him about your latest plan, your next strategy for achieving that goal of your company; however, you may have continued with other activities of removing your car from the car park.
You must also have additionally not reduced the volume of the stereo playing that music and would also have been listening to that favorite song or music of yours. You also must have put your destination on that GPRS display of your destination simultaneously while driving the car out.
Me: That is true but, what do you want to convey?
Him: I am coming to the point. I wanted to convey that since you have developed the habit of doing all these activities while driving the car out of the parking, you are at ease and many a time you do not know exactly how you reach the office or what happened all the way in your journey from the home to office, as once you learn to drive a car, the whole process goes into the subconscious mind and it handles all these without your conscious awareness. Everything happens without your knowledge and effort. You have down-delegated this knowledge to your subconscious awareness, which is executed wonderfully without any extra conscious effort by you.
Me: So, all of us can download good habits and knowledge which is of great and regular use to our subconscious mind?
Him: You have got it right! Successful people do this by downloading good habits into their subconscious minds, which keep on working without any extra effort from them. Most people have the habit of watching television all the time, sleeping, eating, gossiping, drinking, criticizing, comparing, being jealous, worrying, etc. Then they become unsuccessful in terms of maintaining good health, progressing in their career, achieving wealth, being happy, and are then also generally ill. On the other hand, successful people have the habit of exercising, reading, writing, painting, appreciating, thanking, helping, singing, dancing, creating something new and thus become successful in terms of good health, creating wealth, progressing in their career and being happy always.
Me: I have noted this vital learning — “Always develop good habits of learning, creating, thanking, appreciating, and exercising.”
Him: True and once the good habits are developed, they are then automatically transferred to the subconscious awareness and work automatically, leaving your conscious mind to learn other good knowledge, which may be beneficial for mankind.
Me: Why do most people generally resist instilling good habits in themselves? Everyone wants to be successful, wealthy, and healthy but such a lot is very rare in the world today as compared to the overall population on the planet today.
Him: I will say that is the art of asking the right question at the right time, which most people don’t do. You seem to be keen on learning the art of the development of good habits. Let me tell you clearly why there is so much disparity between people who have abundance and those who do not, why there are few who develop good habits while many of us have bad habits.
Habits are normally formed when it is associated with a system of reward. The activity is actually liked by an individual when a reward is associated with it and that is the reason every time that activity is done, a reward is extended and as result doing that activity over time becomes the habit of an individual.
Unfortunately, all bad habits are associated with activities that supply such a reward instantly; for example, drinking alcohol provides instant relief to all. Whoever drinks alcohol or takes drugs gets intoxicated instantly, without any discrimination of caste, color, or creed. The effort involved is also minuscule in nature, except for shelling out some money, so people fall into the trap of this bad habit easily.
However, all good habits require a great amount of effort from an individual and are generally associated with initial pain or discomfort. There may be no fear or requirement of any competency in drinking alcohol or gossiping around but to exercise, read, learn or be creative requires a large amount of effort initially. You must have faced a lot of fear or competency while learning to drive a car initially, rather than when ingesting drinking alcohol. You decided to go even then to learn to drive as you had chosen the better bargain and were aware of the benefits after learning that art. So you learned the art of driving a car for the comfort associated with it at later stages. Similarly, it is difficult to resist the temptation of eating that ice cream or that tasty food a little bit more though many decide not to overdo that as they associate less input of calories and associate better health by not doing so.
Me: Initial pain is better than initial pleasure, I must now develop good habits and the first sign of such traits is that such habits are associated with pain and effort in the beginning. I must not divert myself away from that activity that provides long-term benefits in terms of health, wealth, and happiness; even if there is no instant reward. I must instill this thought in my subconscious mind and should have full faith in it.
Him: You have got it right!
Me: How should I implement all that you said in my life? What are the key takeaways for me?
Him: First decide that it is your prime responsibility to be happy and the effort for the same is to be made only by you and no one else, no one can be held a party to this venture of yours. For you to be happy you should be always in the mode of gratitude for what you have, at present. By being in this mode you would ensure your happiness quotient to a higher degree.
Please also do not compare with others on the terrain of “must-haves”. There are many parameters in life, which can never be compared on every aspect on a “one-to-one basis”. If you look more closely you may find others to possess many “must-haves” in a deficient quantity, but you may have them in abundance. Secondly, for all that you do not have, you may decide to analyze the reasons and amend your approach to fulfill that accordingly. The negative results which you may get should not deter you from making attempts. You should not get disheartened as you do not know how many attempts have been made by persons who have got positive results.
You must seek happiness from within by regular practice of meditation. If you live day-to-day, in the present, and are not bogged down by past results or future scenarios, you may be happy even while attempting, irrespective of the number of that attempt. Try to make “to be happy” your habit, as this is your birthright. Remember always in life that this is the only aspect of human life where all the controls have been placed on an individual’s mind and no one else on the planet can interfere with it.
In case you are unhappy, it is only because you have decided to be that way. Being always happy is an art and everyone must learn it as compulsory learning. There are times when mood swings do occur and you may ride on roller-coaster rides on these swings, but the best way is to come out from “downs” or at least minimize “downs” and maximize “ups” in your life. Never ever cry about your failures and non-accomplishments, instead laugh it away and celebrate your success, however small it may be.